2001-02-28
So I'm watching tv one day back about a year ago, cause that's the kinda wacky bastard I am, and I'm running across several commercials. First of all, commercials are bland biles of garbage, and I really find it hilarious that they think that these ads actually cause us to want certain things. But let me tell ya something, folks, if there's ONE certain thing in life I do NOT want to see, hear, or even THINK ABOUT, it's Bob Dole being impetant. What? His presidential running claim to fame wasn't enough? He had to go on tv and publicly humiliate himself by telling us he can't get it up?? Jesus christ, ya old fucker, I know you wanna be a spokes person for SOMETHING but try to be a little more gawd damned selective, would ya?
So fine, I flip stations after trying to decide whether to be disgusted by this or laugh my fuckin ass off, and I turn
*click*
*click*
*click*
"Hi, this is Bob Dole speaking on behalf of prostate cancer "
... oh, what the fuck ...
Talkin about your limp pecker wasn't enough? Now you gotta describe the intricate malfunctions of the things in your ASSHOLE? If there are TWO things on this fucking planet I do NOT want to see, hear, or even THINK about, it's BOB DOLE'S PECKER and ASSHOLE! Did I want to hear about em before he ran for office? nooooooo... Did I call the Bob Dole Limp Dick and Bunghole hotline and scream "more twisted shit!!"? Then why the fuck is he pushin this crap on me? huh? Spokesperson my ass. Well, maybe his ass, too ...
And have you ever noticed the corilation between being in the precidency and straaaaaaaaaaange fuckin tumors? Ok, check this, remember Regan when he got cancer on his asshole? Then Bush gets cancer on his finger. Then CLINTON gets cancer on the tip of his nose. I don't even want to KNOW what kind of Inaugeral ball these 3 fucks were having the night Clinton got in, man. You'd think with Clinto they'd be draggin in the strippers and the interns, man. Heh, guess he really *will* fuck anything.
But ya know something, folks, it's pretty sad the state of the nation is in, attention span wise. All we seem to focus on is the sexual lives of our candidates or their sexuality in general. Do you care if the president wants to fuck a watermelon? I don't. As long as he keeps us from going to war with another country, I could give a shit less what he puts his dick into. An intern, a grapefruit, the xerox machine. As long as it gets his rocks off so he can be happy and calm when negotiating peace treaties with some psycho soveriegn nation, who gives a fuckin shit?
But you know what's sad about the last presidency is that no one remembers that Clinton kills off our national deficit. Ya, fucker ended our debt to other countries. Killed off billions of fuckin dollars while in office. But does anyone remember that? Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo. What do they recall? A fuckin cigar in an intern's twat. Let me clue you in on something, man, JFK did worse shit in the white house than Clinton ever did. He was swingin from the rafters with a brillo pad shoved up his ass and spankin marilyn monroe with a sqweegee. But how do we remember him? a greeeeeeeeeat president. only cause his brains got blown out. sheesh. if Elvis had gotten killed early on, he would have been bigger than ever! cause they'd remember him as young and attractive. gotta love america and it's fickleness.
