2001-07-30
"I drink, folks, I won't lie to
ya. I wait till everything's done and then I blow my fucking brains out."
- Sam Kinison
�I drink. And I don't just mean some weekend drinker. I drink like a
fish. Daily. How much? I can polish off at least a bottle of bulk wine a day ...
you know those really big ones? Or maybe a six pack and a half of beer.
Sometimes, if I have vodka or hard liquor, I can consume at least a pint or more
within a few hours. And this is putting me at the point to where I'm slightly
inebriated, but not drunk. To get drunk, I have to drink more. But I hate being
drunk.
�Why do I drink so much? Boredom. It's an interesting thing, because
when I am at home, I'll usually start drinking at around 6pm or so and won't
stop till usually 4 in the morning. This is the general norm of my daily life.
But when I visited a friend about a month ago, she and her husband and friends
were disappointed that I wasn't the same lush there that I am here. Which is sad
for a self-proclaimed alcoholic because I was offered constant free booze. But I
usually don't drink if I'm not bored. Not much anyway. I don't need to get
drunk, blasted, or even tipsy when I'm hanging out with friends. I don't need
it. The social interactment is enough.
�Some would not dispute my claims of being an alcoholic. A small
percentage might, but then they themselves are probably one, too. Am I a lush?
Yup, pretty much. And I'm actually proud that I can consume a vast amount of
alcohol every day for months and then maybe have only a beer or two one day out
of the blue and not freak out like many AA'ers would like to lead me to
believe.
�Hey, man, if your body freaks out and goes "more! more! I can't
stop! more!" ... if that's what happens to you, fine. You have every
right to be that weak. But don't try to tell me how my body works when it doesn't
work to your standards. Hell, if I take some Kava Kava and relax or maybe smoke
half a joint, I don't even need booze.
"Oh, that's a crutch! You go from one drug to another.
You can't quit on your own!"
�Ya, so? I can't even handle reality on my own, let alone
quiting booze. I'm living in a world where my brain goes through a rampage of "what
the fuck?" at least once a day: either because of love, because of
human morality on animals, or because of simple social idiocy involving drugs,
politics, societal ethics, sex, gender equality, or social materialistic view
points. I have to be strong and put up with your world of fucked up ethics ...
and yet you want me to be sober? Fuck you, man. It's either this or killing
myself, and I like myself too much to blow my fuckin head off. At least for now
anyway.
�So why am I telling you all this? Probably because I'm sober.
"Here's to all you people who
can't drink anymore. (drinks) Still tastes fuckin great." - Dennis Leary
