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Apr. 11, 2002
The Top Warning Signs of the New Christian Computer Virus:
- Your Windows boot up sound is replaced with "HALLELUJAH!"
.
- Your browser will only allow you to go to Jerry
Falwell web sites.
.
- If you attempt to download any kind of porn,
all functions on your computer will immediately halt and you will be forced
to say 30 Hail Marys into your mic or your computer will shut down. If you
try to restart windows, your start up splash screen will be replaced with
"SINNER!" and shut down again.
.
- AOL's triangle icon gets replaced with a cross,
because we all know that triangles are only good for representing those evil
gay homosexuals!
.
- You will not be able to insert anything into
your computer unless it's for creation purposes only.
.
- While playing video games (or anything else considered
pleasurable) you may only face your monitor in an upright sitting fashion
or laying down facing your lap top. Any other position is considered immoral
and unnatural.
.
- PC users will not be allowed to interact with
Mac users because they are all evil and barbaric and going to burn in hell
if they don't repent their sinful ways.
.
- All your MP3s will be replaced with songs by
Donnie Osmand, Lawrence Welk, and excerpts from the Tabernacle Choir.
.
- You will be forced to email all your friends
and people from foreign countries and try to get them to convert. If they
refuse, their files will be slowly executed and then destroyed.
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- Each Sunday your credit cards will have deducted
from them 5 dollars, because we all know the lord needs the dough.
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- You will not be able to insert anything purple
into your PC. Not disks, CDs, hardware, software, not even plug in jacks.
Purple is homosexual and the work of the devil. In fact, every shade of purple
will be eliminated from your computer drawing programs, desk top icons, program
task bars, and even that annoying Bonzi Buddy ape.
�2002 Atheist Diary
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