2001-02-28
Darva Conger. There's the quenticential whore, huh?
"I just want to be left alone...I just want to be left alone...."
THEN GET THE FUCK OFF PLAYBOY!
"I only did it to secure my children's future."
heh, ya
"hey, timmy, guess what I got....? Naked pictures of your mom... Ya! Guess what? I squirted on her tits last night, wanna see?? *dancing* Crusty whore..."
Ya, secure their future, mama. She wants to be left alone so much that she's on every fucking channel known to man. This bitch has been on tv more than the fuckin PRESIDENT. I'm just waitin for her to show up on that one wild animals show with that australian psycho-wack job. You know the guy who kicks gators in the nuts and pokes snakes with a stick. Oh ya, there's a dream job. And this guys is fuckin perky as shit over it, too!
"Today I quietly walked up to a family of grizzly bears and fucked the youngest bear cub up the butt with a sqweegee. Boy was mama pissed or what? Later, I'm gunna cover my nuts with honey and dangle em over a bee hive! isn't this great??"
Always my fuckin dream job.
Anywho, so I was talkin to this chick the other night, ya know, cause I'm horny, and we're talkin about this mother-theresa-like victem wack job that the media calls Darva Conger. I've also heard her mom called her that as well, but later retracted the thought and decided to label her with her true calling in life "media slut".
"Media slut, come eat your fruit loops."
"Ma, why do you keep calling me that?"
"Cause you're a whore!"
So anyway, we're chatting it up about this Acadamy Award winner and she gets offended cause I called her a media whore.
"She's a victem. She married the guy and he lied to her and so she went to tell her story and..."
By this time I'd lost my boner. So I stopped fucking her in the ear and rolled over saying
"Nooooo...she's not a whore. She only went to marry some guy she never even met in her whole life on national tv because he was supposedly a millionare. Then when they found out he wasn't? *sniff sniff* 'Oh, I'm a victem." Does she marry for love, honor, or commitment? Well, if she did, she would have stuck by him even if he WASN'T rich. I don't see those two love birds together now. Why? 'cause she was a victem.' So afterwards she goes on a few talks shows, then a few more, then a few more, then a WHOLE FUCKIN LOT MORE. And what does she say? 'I just want to be left alone.' And then once she's done making a complete ass out of herself? She SHOWS her ass in PLAYBOY. 'I'm a victem. I just wanna be left alone...' I fuckin saw this 'victem' the other day on gawd damn Regis and then OPERA! "a victem....' MEDIA WHORE!!"
And then I proceeded to roll over and squirt on my playboy. CRUSTY WHORE...!
