2001-08-01
�I think if I were to ever turn gay, I would invent a time machine and
go back to lose my virginity to Jesus. If you think about it, the guy's hands
had holes the size of a mega dong. Imagine the possibilities for hand jobs
alone! Now some have argued that Jesus was really nailed through his wrists
because the joints in the hand couldn't hold a body up with it's weight. Hey,
even kinkier.
�With Jesus hanging out with a prostitute and wandering the desert with
a group of men, one can only imagine the experience Mr. O'Nazareth gained in his
lifetime. Circle jerks galore and medieval hummers, the man had it all and
everyone still believed he was a virgin. I tell ya, if that guy could raise the
dead, you know he could still get it up after he shot his creamy wad all over Ms
Magdala's ever stretched bung muscle. No viagra needed for the son of God! No
siree!
�And with� this guy's ability to turn water into wine, you know he
was usin' that stunt at frat parties and choir boy sessions just to get a little
extra tail. Come on, he had long hair and walked on water. Jesus was the first
surfer, man. Just no one ever knew what wave riding was back then. And we all
know how surfers love to party.
�But Jesus would be my special kind of surfer. Soft and sensual, he
would rub me down and make me feel like a woman ... with a little extra facial
hair. And would I care about the crabs o' Christ? Heck no, silly! This is Jesus!
If he can cure leprosy, he can surely cover crotch rot!
�We'd lay on the beach for hours on end, watching the surf come in,
talking about holy scriptures while he mostly gave me head ... well, ok, I
wouldn't be listening in between strokes, but whatever makes him feel spiritual,
ya know?
�I wonder if he was a swallower?
�*sigh* Yes, Jesus would be my main anal squeeze. I wonder if he was
ever into dildo practice?
