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Mar. 20, 2002
� On the Man Show, Adam Corrola has a segment that he calls "When
I'm King". I felt it would only be fitting to do the same for myself ... so
here's a few new laws that will be enforced when I am king ...
- When I am king christianity will no longer be allowed to be refered to as "religion". They will call themselves "the christian religion" in arguments and conversation, or they will not be able to talk about their religion at all. I'm tired of hearing this "put religion back in schools" shit. They don't want religion in schools, they want THEIR religion in schools. I doubt these "religion in schools" nuts would like it if their kids were forced to pray to Allah or
Krishna.
.
- When I am king temporary sterilization will be
enforced prior to a person reaching puberty and will remain that way until
the individual reaches the age of 25. Then they may fuck like rabbits with
their nuts and tubes in tact all that want. But once they have reached the
limit of 2 children, they must get permanent sterilization. Even if this
means the individual breeds one child with one woman and one child with
another (or vice versa). THERE'S TOO MANY FUCKIN PEOPLE IN THE WORLD! LET
THE GAWD DAMN PLANET BREATH ONCE IN A WHILE!
.
- When I am king pot will be legal and will also be
mandatory for Jerry Falwell. If he doesn't like it, he can get the fuck
outta my country.
.
- �When I am king those anti-smoking commercials
by Truth will be outlawed. We know the health risks involved with smoking,
so sit down and SHUT THE FUCK UP!
.
- When I am king, you can openly fuck WHO EVER YOU
WANT in the military. Staff Sergeants, drill instructors ... I don't give a
fuck if you feel like screwing a chipmunk with rubber gloves and a squeegee,
just keep the country from being taken over by the asshole enemy, ok?
.
- And another thing ... when I am king, wars will be
fought ONLY between the leaders of the countries. If the leaders are such
pussies that they don't want to risk their lives fighting for the specific
cause in question, why the fuck should they be able to send OUR children to
fight it for them?
.
- When I am king, scientific and cosmetic testing will
no longer be done on animals. They will done on death row inmates and
convicted child molesters. You wanna fuck the neighborhood kiddies? Fine,
but you'll have to do it after being blinded, shocked, sterilized, hairless,
horribly disfigured, and with part of your face burned off, an ear sewn onto
your back, your dick chopped off, and infected with aids, you sick fuck.
.
- When I am king suicide will be completely legal. If
you wanna kill yourself, by all means go for it. Abortion is legal and they
don't have laws against that, so why should killing yourself be any
different?
.
- When I am king sodomy will be legal everywhere. The
legal definition of sodomy is when you perform a sexual act that is not
facing your partner and/or performing an act of sexuality solely for the
purposes of enjoyment and not for copulation. I think we've all broken that
law and if you haven't, your sex life is FUCKING BORING.
.
- When I am king, sex will be as abundant on tv and
movies as violence. They don't curb unnatural acts like a bullet exiting
someone's brain on tv, so why curb a natural act of two people making love?
I'd rather my children learn about natural acts that everybody does than
violent, disgusting ones that is considered criminal and brutal.
.
- When I am king pornography will not be hidden in
video stores and will have it's own channel on cable instead of through pay
per view. This goes back to the morality of violence and sex. If Faces of
Death and horror movies like Texas Chainsaw Massacre can be out on shelves
for children to see then so should Pussies of Death and Edward Penishands.
And if it's perfectly fine to show Sylvester Stallone as John Rambo blowing
people up with rocket launchers on television, then we should be able to see
Dick Rambone knocking people up with HIS rocket launcher. Neither act is any
more disgusting than the other.
.
- When I am king, the bible will only be found in the
occult section along with all the other bibles of various religions and
belief systems. If christians object to his, then the Satanic Bible and
other bibles of various religions will be included in the religion section
as well. If christians object to this, they can kiss my ass and thank their
lucky stars I don't outlaw christianity all together.
... I'll add more as I think of them ...
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